INTERVIEW WITH THE AUTHOR
Who are you?
My name is Natascha, I am a lesbian, single since 10+ years and despite all that a happy Mom of a three year old son. In English that’s called a Single Mom by Choice!
I established my family by myself, without a Dad, without another Mom…
So we’re a different kind of a rainbow family, but the rainbow does have many colors anyways…
In English you can proudly say ‘I’m a Single Mom by Choice’ or ‘I’m a Choice Mom’ and most people do know what you mean by that. I don’t know about the French or Italian speaking part but in the German speaking part of Switzerland this new family model is still very much unknown or something you’re not talking about. There’s not even a German term for it, or at least none that I’m aware of or that I find fitting…
But I am not ashamed for the decision I took even though most of the times you read how egoistic it is of you to decide to have a kid by yourself.
Egoistic, really isn’t the term I would use for someone making this decision…
Seriously, there’s no space for ‘me’ in my life right now. Being a Single Mom by Choice means that you have to make sacrifices, in the beginning you hardly have time to yourself (not even to go to the bathroom – no joke). 24 hours/7 days a week you’re there for your kid, you have to make decisions on his behalf all by yourself, …
Being a Mom is the hardest job in the world, that’s probably well known by now. Doing it alone isn’t making it easier and from society point of view your pitiable.
But forget all that, forget #regrettingmotherhood:
I love being a Mom and I love my little family!
What is important to you?
From the very beginning it was important to me that my kid will have the right to get to know his biological father, that he has the right to know the truth as to who he is and how he came to be.
That’s his identity after all!
Now – that I used a sperm bank – he will be able to get to know him when he’s 18 years old but in contrast to that we’re in contact with a bunch of half siblings that I believe will help him discover his identity even before that and without knowing the donor.
And who knows, maybe he’s not interested in that part of the story at all when he’s old enough to decide. But that should definitely be his decision!
Also I do whatever I can to let him know that the decision I took is a good one, that being a family of two isn’t something he or I need to be ashamed of, something that must be kept a secret.
On the contrary, tolerance and respect are the two things that I value the most in the upbringing of my son and not just in view of our – a bit different – family model.
I hope he will grow up to respect and tolerate people from any color, religion or sexual orientation.
How comes that you’re blogging about your family?
As I am not keeping it a secret as to how my son came to be lots of people are asking me tons of questions, either because they’re simply curious or because they themselves are interested or know someone that is thinking about it.
It really seems it’s something more and more women consider to be an option…
At some point – due to talking about it this openly – I was invited to a panel discussion on the subject of rainbow families. Together with two gay couples I presented the possibilities homosexuals have to build families to a bunch a students and interested people.
The feedback I got from talking in front of all these people – which definitely was me being totally outside of my own comfort zone – was amazing.
Lesbians told me that it’s nice to hear for once a different kind of approach of a rainbow family as the regular kind that is being talked about quite a lot nowadays and the two that organized the discussion wrote me a thank you card with a sentence that pretty much started this blog:
‘Thanks, that you have broadened our knowledge and that you’ve shown us, how colorful the world can be. Thank you for helping us making the world a little bit better.’
I complained a lot during the time that I myself had to come to a decision that there wasn’t a lot of information available what I had to expect as a Single Mom by Choice in Switzerland.
And here I am, having all that information that I have collected over the years researching the subject and I didn’t change anything for all the other women out there trying to come to terms with their wish for a child…
Reason enough to change that, isn’t it?
Did you ever doubt your decision to blog?
Oh yes, in the very beginning I had lots of qualms.
Yes, I wanted to make a change in the world but I wanted to do it anonymously.
I wanted to keep my son out of it, to let him decide whether or not he’s okay with going public. But he was still so little… After all, I can’t fathom what will happen, whether his school mates are going to ask him about what I write here on this blog, how he will feel about it, …
Seriously, if he’s ever going to ask me to stop blogging, I’ll probably do it in a heartbeat!
I also wanted to protect my son and myself from those strangers that think everything goes online, you hear enough about online bullying nowadays.
And last but definitely not least – and something I’m constantly struggling with – what about those people that do unfathomable things to children…
So the first version of this blog that was only in German that I decided to create in a cloak-and-dagger operation (I blame it on the sleepless nights) and the first pictures on my related Instagram account were pretty anonymous.
Why the change then?
I was practically pressured to change, to not blog anonymously anymore.
After all the approach of May 25, 2018 and the go live of the GDPR got the blogger world to panic. And even though that was already a requirement before I didn’t really fear punishment as much as with the going live of the GDPR.
I was about to give up…
Yet, after many talks with felow family bloggers about the subject, I have decided to continue and at the same time, to look at it in a more professionally way. So due to the GDPR I relocated and overhauled my website. And well, here I am…
I hope that my son, who will now grow up knowing about this blog will see and realize the good intention I have with it. That his Mom is standing up for things that are important to her and that he will be proud of me, of this blog and his own story.
I have to admit though that I’m still a bit anxious as to how he will react but as mentioned before, should he ever ask me to stop, I will…
What are you mainly writing about in your blog?
The main subject is surely my family and how it came to be, our story so to speak.
I hope this will help women with their own decision as I will also post about hiccups like when the ‘KESB’ contacted me, financial issues I’m struggling with, etc.
I will try my best to keep it real so women can get ‘the full picture’ of what it means to be a Single Mom by Choice.
But surely I will also brag about all the good times we have together!
I will also write about how I am discussing the subject of being a donor kid with my son, how I am telling him his story and let him know, that even though our family is different, it’s a good kind of a family.
Also how I answered the “Where’s his Dad?” question from our neighbors’ kid: Not that anything you read will ever prepare you for the police like interrogation of a four year old…
I will also tell you about (picture) books on the subject of tolerance and different family models that I personally love as well as books that are not featuring the traditional family picture.
Something interesting you will also learn is that we’re in contact with a bunch of half siblings – so called diblings in English. How that came to be is a little roller coaster ride itself.
And last but not least I’ll talk about our very normal crazy everyday life that will point out that our family of two is not that different to any other regular family…